If you have just suffered from a break up you will feel like there is no hope. It is natural to get depression or hide yourself away for a period of time. Sometimes you do not even want to talk to friends and family as it is like a grieving process. Please understand that this is normal. There is no reason to get angry with yourself or feel like a failure, it happens to most of us at some point in our lives.
When you break up with someone it can be like a death in the family. It is a grieving process which you have to go through in order to heal and get back to normal. There are no easy answers, but it is very true that time does heal. There is a certain amount of time that you should give yourself to allow yourself to get better and this differs from person to person. It does not help when the people that you are around are always advising you to move on and that there is plenty more fish in the sea. These kinds of empty platitudes do not help anyone at all. In fact, they only serve to alienate you further from your friends because they fail to comprehend what you are going through. What you need is practical advice and tips that you can use to help yourself.
Why is it that when someone has dumped you, that they tell you to move on and forget about it? It is not as easy as that. Heart ache is a difficult time in anyone’s life and you cannot just snap out of it like people suggest or expect you to. There is no shame in this at all, so do not put yourself down. People can try to move on too quickly and get into rebound relationships in an attempt to cover up the scars. This spells disaster. Take your time and work out what you want and if you want to wallow in misery for a while, you have every right to.
When the split has occurred there are many thoughts going through your mind and various questions that you want the answer to. There is a need to go over the recent past with a fine tooth come in an attempt to look for clues that this was coming. You begin to question your whole relationship and if everything was a lie. This can be an extremely confusing time and it is usual for people to get overly emotional and react in an irrational manner. If someone has been such a huge part of your life then to suddenly not be in contact with them anymore is hard to get used to. You will find yourself eager to text, call or email your ex to see how they are feeling post break up and look for any clues that they regret it. This can of course do more harm than good. We all know people who have done this and how pathetic it can make you look, only reinforcing your ex’s decision to break up with you.
Ask Yourself How Your Behaviour May Look To Your Ex
Your sense of self respect is crucial after a break up, and something that you should keep at the forefront of your mind. Do not act in a desperate or alarming fashion, give you and your ex some space and do not say anything that you will regret. The best thing to do is remain calm and try to say as little as possible. If you act in an irrational and obsessive way your ex will be worried and hugely wary of you.
Does Your Ex See You In The Same Way?
The worst thing that you can do directly after a break up is to plead on your ex to take you back or ask too many probing questions as to why they have ended it. Be strong, even though every instinct in your body is fighting against it. If you can come across as calm and collected and in control of your emotions, you will immediately go up in their estimation. Never try to orchestrate a meeting with them or get in touch with them for silly reasons, not matter how much you want to. Staying away at this point is the best thing that you can do for both of you.
So What Works Then?
If you think about when you first got together this will be a great starting point for you to try to get your ex back. What was it that they saw in you that attracted them in the first place? Can you remember what they said to you or why they thought you were so special? The trick is to compare yourself now to how you were then and figure out what went wrong and how things have changed. It is natural to get comfortable with someone and not put the same amount of effort into the relationship as we did at the start. The most important thing to note is that you have to make your ex see you in this way again, but they have to see it through actions and not words.
We all desire what we cannot have, or that which we have to work hard for. When we have to put effort into getting it we end up valuing it a lot more. It is the same with relationships. Have you ever heard of the term ‘playing hard to get?’. This concept is widely used, especially amongst women to pique a man’s interest and make the opposite realise that you are worth the wait or special. In the same way, you should not go crawling to your ex or seem weak, it may seem counter intuitive, but you must make them realise that you are a person of value and that you have a great deal of respect for yourself. If you are not aware of your inherent value as a human being, how will anyone else see it?
What Else Can I Do?
There are literally hundreds of other successful tips, tricks and strategies that you can employ which will give you excellent results. Sometimes it takes longer for your ex to come back to you depending on your personal circumstances, but you would be surprised how fast you will notice things working. Patience is the key here, if you are determined to work at this and follow the advice of the experts exactly, then there is every chance that you will be successful in getting your ex back.
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